Viva Films and IdeaFirst Company’s Mr. & Mrs. Cruz revolves around two strangers who decide to run away from reality for a while and forget their miseries while basking in paradisical Palawan. Rafael “Raffy” Cruz (JC Santos) and Angela “Gela” Cruz (Ryza Cenon) have the same last name but are unrelated, yet they spend their alone time together as they mend their broken hearts.

Kita Kita’s (I See You) Sigrid Andrea Bernardo is the director and writer of Mr. & Mrs. Cruz. While Kita Kita seems natural and lighthearted, albeit the seriousness of the events in the film, Mr. & Mrs. Cruz feels forced and onerous. This film made me realize that Empoy Marquez can light up the big screen and be John Lloyd Cruz for 120 minutes while JC Santos cannot. The good thing is, Ryza Cenon registers well on screen and she makes Gela likeable despite her character’s many obvious flaws.

Watching two people talk about life tragedies, Shakespeare, finding closure, bird’s nest, and Nemo and make fun of corny hugot lines (is this redundant?) for two hours and ten minutes is just too much when the characters are not magnetic enough to hold my attention for more than fifteen minutes. The conversations are repetitive, and it is not done just for emphasis it seems (I dislike Haruki Murakami’s 1Q84 for the same reason). Moreover, that drinking scene in the bar is at least three minutes too long, and the dancing/swimming part reminds me of that weird dance sequence in Last Night.

It does not bode well for the movie if its highlight is a brief hack (one can turn a man’s underwear into a top suitable for swimming. Who knew?). Yes, not even JC Santos’ brief butt exposure can pique my interest.

 

For related entries, please read Kita Kita (I See You) – Hugot Edition and Kita Kita (I See You) – Review.

 

For hugot lines from other movies, please read Miss Granny – Hugot Edition, Sid & Aya (Not a Love Story) – Hugot Edition, Kasal – Hugot Edition, Never Not Love You – Hugot Edition, My Perfect You – Hugot Edition, Meet Me In St. Gallen – Hugot Edition, Ang Dalawang Mrs. Reyes – Hugot Edition, Unexpectedly Yours – Hugot Edition, Seven Sundays – Hugot Edition, Last Night – Hugot Edition, Finally Found Someone – Hugot Edition, Can We Still Be Friends? – Hugot Edition, Can’t Help Falling In Love – Hugot Edition, My Ex and Whys – Hugot Edition, and Heneral Luna – Hugot Edition.

 

Here are some of the Hugot Lines from Viva Films and IdeaFirst Company’s Mr. & Mrs. Cruz:

 

“’Di ba sabi nga nila, kailangang magbabad sa tubig-alat para mawala ang malas.” – Rafael “Raffy” Cruz (JC Santos)

Nagpunta kami sa Underground River , sa awa ng Diyos under the saya na ako.” – Dennis Padilla

“Si John Lloyd Cruz ba ay asawa ng bayan?” – Yayo Aguila

“Gaya rin ng mga bato rito, marupok din ang tao.” – voiceover

“Soul searching. Uso eh. Nakikiuso.” – Raffy Cruz

“Baka soulmate searching.” – Angela “Gela” Cruz (Ryza Cenon)

“Paano mo naman ma-aappreciate ang lugar kung palagi kang nakatutok sa gadgets.” – Gela Cruz

“Stalk aga? Hindi puwedeng admiring lang?” – Gela Cruz

 

Gela: Question? Ano ang #atm?

Raffy: At the moment.

Gela: Ah, at the moment.

Raffy: #titamoment

 

“Hay naku, kung puwede lang iturn-off ang look back memories na ‘yan ginawa ko na. – Gela Cruz

“Commercial lang ‘yun. Hindi lahat totoo.” – Gela Cruz

“Makikita n’yo ho dun, ihi P2.00, tae P5.00.” – Raffy Cruz

“Sabi nga nila kapag matanda ka na, bumabalik ka sa pagkabata.” – Gela Cruz

“When you get married, you’re forever committed.” – Gela Cruz

“’Til death do us part. That’s bullshit. And you should not own another person.” – Raffy Cruz

 

Raffy: Fuck tradition.

Gela: Well, fuck you.

 

“Bukas na kayo mag LQ (lovers’ quarrel), share muna kayo ng room.” – old woman

“If you think na gagapangin kita, it is not gonna happen.” – Raffy Cruz

“Sex agad? Puwede bang I admire you for being a Good Samaritan?” – Gela Cruz

“Let’s not talk about marriage. ‘Di ka pa nga nag-popropose sa akin, eh.” – Gela Cruz

“Kapag na-in love ka talaga no? Tatanga-tanga.” – Gela Cruz

“So sino ba ang mas tanga para sa iyo? Si Juliet na gumawa ng paraan o si Romeo na nagpakamatay dahil inakala niya na patay na si Juliet?” – Raffy Cruz

“Are you asking me out on a date?” – Gela Cruz

“You’re just a guy with a hard cock waiting to get laid.” – Gela Cruz

“No, I am just here to have sex.” – Gela Cruz

“No, life is a mixture of tragedy and fairy tale.” – Raffy Cruz

“Walang ginawa si Prince Charming, tsinansingan niya lang si Sleeping Beauty.” – Gela Cruz

“Alam mo sabi nila, ang mga kulot salot.” – Raffy Cruz

“Bakit? Dumating akong mag-isa. Okay lang na umalis akong mag-isa.” – Gela Cruz

“Tapos na ako sa exploration stage, nasa burn-out stage na ako.” – Gela Cruz

 

Raffy: If I die in my sleep tonight, I won’t forget you.

Gela: You won’t die tonight, so you can forget about me.

 

“Tigilan mo na ‘yang alone time alone time na ‘yan. Baka the universe wants us to share this alone time together with a stranger. Suot mo na nga brief ko, close na tayo.” – Raffy Cruz

“Bago pa ako maubusan ng laway, maghanap na tayo ng pugad.” – Raffy Cruz

“Galing ka bang bilangguan? Bakit puro freedom?” – Gela Cruz, referring to Raffy’s tattoos

 

Gela: What do two people do when they are alone together?

Raffy: Sex.

Gela: Sira

Raffy: Minus the “s”.

 

“To experience pain again until I get numb.” – Raffy Cruz

“Para siyang oyster, ang tamilok.” – Gela Cruz

“Kaya kung ako ikaw, kung hahanapin mo sarili mo, ‘wag sa wedding day mo.” – Raffy Cruz

“Cheers to runaway brides. May all the good luck run away from them.” – Raffy Cruz

“Puwede palang isang araw magising ka pero ayaw mo na.” – Gela Cruz

“Sayang lang ang effort niya. Sana binigay niya na lang sa iba. ‘Di ko kayang ibalik sa kanya.” – Gela Cruz

“Andito ako para makaalala.” – Gela Cruz

“Tatlong araw kami rito pero wala kaming ginawa kung hindi maglimliman nang maglimliman.” – Gela Cruz

“Whatever. Pareho lang kayo ni Jane. Pareho kayong umalis. Pareho kayong nang-iwan.” – Raffy Cruz

“I found Nemo, but I didn’t find myself.” – Gela Cruz

“This is how you do a blowjob. Papakita ko sa iyo. No hands, ha.” – Gela Cruz

 

Backstroke: Balikan mo lahat. Baka naman maalala mo kung saan kayo nagsimula.

Freestyle: Palayain mo ang sarili mo.

Breaststroke: Dibdiban ito. Mabigat sa sarili pero kailangan mong kayanin.

Butterfly stroke: Lumipad ka.

 

“Kahit gaano kaganda ang relasyong may taning ito.” – Gela Cruz

“Lalangoy ba ako palayo sa iyo o malulunod na kasama ka?” – Gela Cruz

 

Raffy: Iba’t iba man ang langoy ang importante makakarating ka.

Gela: Ang importante masaya ka.

 

“Hindi ito briefs, trunks ito.” – Raffy Cruz

“Amuyin mo sarili mo. Amoy suka ka. That’s a major turn off.” – Raffy Cruz

“Hinanap mo si Nemo sa suka mo….Nagsnorkel ka sa suka mo….Ginawa mong lugaw ang suka mo.” – Raffy Cruz

 

Raffy: You’re different from her.

Gela: How am I different from her?

Raffy: You found … Nemo.

 

“Wala namang mas masakit eh. Parehong masakit.” – Gela Cruz, on which is worse, being left at the altar on your wedding day or being left soon after the wedding.

Raffy: Gela, can we…?

Gela: Let’s do it!

 

“Rent tayo ng motor, and let’s get lost.” – Raffy Cruz

“Ayoko ng magsayang ng laway.” – Gela Cruz

“Babalikan mo lahat ng pinanggalingan mo at haharapin mo lahat para makahanap ka ng closure.” – Raffy Cruz

“Ayoko naman magkaroon ng asawang miserable habang kasama ako.” – Raffy Cruz

“Ito na ang pinakabaduy na rom-com na napanood ko.” – Gela Cruz

 

Gela: Ito na ang ending ng movie.

Raffy: O eto pa lang ang simula.

Gela: Drone shot.

 

Raffy: Gela, you’re very very pretty.

Gela: I know.

 

“Ako, brod, ako si Nemo.” – Raffy Cruz, after stating that clown fish, like Nemo, is monogamous.

“Sana ganyan din ang isda ko. Kung mag-propose ganyan ka-sweet.” – Gela Cruz

“Gusto ko balikan ang mga araw na hindi mo iniisip na may ending.” – Gela Cruz

 

Raffy: So, this is it.

Gela: Yup, this is it.

 

Raffy: Unexpected adventures.

Gela: Unexpected strangers.

Raffy: Unexpected friend.

Gela: Unexpected pain (?).

Raffy: Unexpected growth.

Gela: Goodbye.

Raffy: Hello.

 

“Hindi ko na pala kailangan ng kape kasi nakita pa lang kita, nagpalpitate na ako.” – Raffy Cruz

 

Raffy: Her laughter.

Gela: His smile.

 

Gela: We had fun.

Raffy: We have good memories, and I won’t forget you.

 

“Next year, punta ako ng Batanes. Baka gusto mong sumama. Hanapin natin si Dory.” – Raffy Cruz

“Thank you for sharing life tragedies with me.” – Gela Cruz