The Roses are back for the fourth season of Schitt’s Creek. The Rose couple, Johnny (Eugene Levy) and Moira (Catherine O’Hara) continue to deal with their situation as best as they could while fully integrating in the rural town of Schitt’s Creek. The Rose children, David (Dan Levy) and Alexis (Annie Murphy) are all grown up, with a thriving business and a college certificate, respectively. Hilarity ensues as they interact with each other and with the community in their hoity-toity ways.

 

For more of the Roses, please read 10 Things I Love About Schitt’s Creek, Schitt’s Creek - Season III (In the Words of the Roses), and Schitt’s Creek – Season IV (In the Words of the Roses and Friends), Part II.

Here are some of the memorable quotes from Schitt’s Creek Season 4:

Episode 1

Johnny Rose: Hey, partner, what’s the good word?

Stevie: There’s a dead guy in Room 4.

 

“I have endured a cornucopia of trauma that last few years, I draw the lines at living in a crime scene.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

“I always knew there’d be a murder here eventually. I’m gonna pack up my things, I assume we’re moving?” – David Rose (Dan Levy)

 

Stevie: Okay, the old man in Room 4 died alone in his sleep.

David: Why do I find that scenario even more bone-chilling than murder?

 

“Do I look like a coroner?” – Stevie Budd (Emily Hampshire)

“Well, all I know is that Patrick is a sweet little button face, David, so don’t mess this up.” – Alexis Rose (Annie Murphy)

 

Johnny: It’ll take a day just to re-box your mother’s wigs.

Moira: Oh, my God, can you imagine? Not one of you is trained.

 

“I wouldn’t trust Roland with a box of chopsticks, let alone a dead body!” – Johnny Rose (Eugene Levy)

“We’ll, I’m sure they’ll be fine, Johnny. I saw a lot of dead bodies when I was a kid, und I would say that I turned out pretty okay.” – Roland Schitt (Chris Elliott)

 

Alexis: Um, was there like a pet massacre, or something? What is with all these sad looking people?

Ted: Uh, nope, all these perfectly happy-looking people are actually applying for your old job.

Alexis: I literally just quit, Ted.

Ted: again, quit implies a negative connotation, and I’d say that we had a pretty fun time working together.

Alexis: We did have a pretty fun time.

Ted: That’s not what I meant, but anyway, what’s up?

 

“Now, everybody, just so you know, I got a job here, and I have literally zero interest in animals, so you guys are already like, way ahead.” – Alexis Rose

“It’s probably nothing, but I think I’ve killed a man.” – Moira Rose

“The last time I felt this emotionally encumbered, I was playing Lady Macbeth on a Crystal Skies cruise ship during Shakespeare at Sea Week.” – Moira Rose

“Because David, because I can barely come to terms with the fact that I’ve resorted to hoarding … sample packets of a basic headache medication, let alone reveal it to the world. This is what my life has come to, David, killing a man over a complimentary bolus.” – Moira Rose

“Can you imagine this (his body) in prison?” – David Rose

 

Moira: Well, there we have it then. Thank God you’re here, Pa…

David: …trick.

Moira: …trick.

 

“Well, I suppose I’ll head back to the scene of the crime, with which I had nothing to do.” – Moira Rose

“I paid way too much for a wedge of brie last week, so let’s call it even.” – Moira Rose

“It’s not mandatory, but there’s a fee for not attending, so you’ll be paying for it either way.” – Johnny Rose

“I do not know why I thought you’re single.” – Alexis Rose

“Um, I liked the guy with the glasses. Um, or the guy with cystic acne. Either or. Or the girl with the oily braid. Also very good.” – Alexis Rose

“You know, when you kissed me, that, that felt like my first time. All the things that you’re supposed to feel, I-I felt them last night.” – Patrick Brewer (Noah Reid)

“Isn’t this a glittering sea of hopeful faces.” – Moira Rose

“Okay people, let’s leave the cups inside. We’re not in Vegas, here. Thank you.” – Stevie Budd

 

Episode 2

Alexis: Okay, so I’m thinking like, season five Carrie Bradshaw, like, super professional and polished, but also like, chill and flirty, in an impossibly expensive sort of way.

David: You do know that this is your first day at Elmdale College, and not Vogue, right?

Alexis: Hush, David, because Jocelyn said that only her top students go to Elmdale.

David: Okay, I think that says more about Jocelyn as a teacher than it does her students.

 

David: Why are you waving a thermometer at my face?

Johnny: It’s a pregnancy test.

David: Ewww! What?!

 

“Well, it’s a smiley face, so I’m assuming it’s a positive result.” – Johnny Rose

“Let the nuns take care of the little stranger!” – Moira Rose

“Um, I’m just gonna say it, I am not in a place right now to be emotionally available to a baby.” – David Rose

“Okay, I’m sorry I’m not a condom.” – David Rose

“Oh, God help us all.” – Moira Rose

“Okay, between Alexis getting knocked up, and us not having enough privacy to connect, I’m feeling very shaken.” – David Rose

It’s just flagrant irresponsibility to allow an unscheduled conception to occur!” – Moira Rose

“Oh, she has no idea of the toll a baby can take on its mother, or its mother’s mother.” – Moira Rose

“I thought it was menopause that was making me late, and giving me the cravings, and morning sickness.” – Jocelyn Schitt

“Oh! Oh, Jocelyn, Roland is not the father!” – Moira Rose

“One must prepare for any event. Miracles don’t take reservations.” – Moira Rose

“Okay, no, I didn’t, I gave you a half-hickey, because we haven’t had the time or the privacy for me to give you a full hickey!” – David Rose

 

Patrick: That is super generous, but wouldn’t be a little bit weird us having alone time at your place? Especially because you guys have –

David: Oh, God no! No, we’ve never –

Stevie: No, never, ew!

David: We’ve never done that there.

Stevie: Never. I still live there.

 

“Okay, I’m just like, a little bit confused, because on the brochure it looks like it’s in a moss covered building by the lake.” – Alexis Rose

“Oh, and I marked the booze, so I’ll know if you touch it.” – Stevie Budd

“I’m pregnant!” – Jocelyn Schitt (Jennifer Robertson)

“Oh my God! We’re having a baby!” – Roland Schitt

“Cheers to privacy!” – David Rose

 

Patrick: I knew that you had a rich dating history, David, but I just didn’t expect to be graced by the presence of two of your exes tonight.

David: Yeah, funny thing, neither did I. So…

 

Alexis: Have you fun now, David, uhm, because when the twins arrive, I’m gonna really need your help.

David: That’s a hard pass.

Alexis: You’re gonna be so involved in their lives.

David: Mm, your body, your problem.

 

“Okay, but just picture them as like, tiny little roommates, whose tiny little poops you get to clean up!” – Alexis Rose

 

Episode 3

“Okay, Moira I just wanna slap you right across the face.” – Jocelyn Schitt

“I’m sorry that you connect with a more mature clientele, whereas I vibe with a much younger crowd.” – David Rose

“Well, Stevie, if I lift a roll of toilet paper, you know, it flares up.” – Johnny Rose

“Okay well, I’m starting to look like a Slovakian shot putter, so I’m with Roland. We’re gonna be hiring someone else.” – Stevie Budd

“Great sale, bro. Four teens, one pack of gum, which you gift wrapped. Hey, why don’t we just close the store up, and celebrate for the rest of the day?” – Patrick Brewer

“It’s the exact same move that I used with my klepto friends in the Hamptons.” – Alexis Rose

“Give it an hour, they’ll be back. They only took the toner and the cleanser, and if they’re not selling it on the black market, then they’ll need to come back and get the moisturizer, or their T-zones are going to be like, super effed.” – Alexis Rose

“Johnny, it’s me! I’m the guy!” – Roland Schitt

“Impatience, that’s the look!” – Johnny Rose

“And I got you extra performance time, I got the children’s choir down to one song! Some of the kids cried.” – Jocelyn Schitt

“Did you know that rehearsal, it can be the most enlightening and even heuristic exercise.” – Moira Rose

“But we already re-printed the posters from ‘TV’s Moira Rose’ to ‘Television’s Moira Rose’!” – Jocelyn Schitt

“Was I to perceive something encouraging within that little anecdote?” – Moira Rose

“They’re lying to you, David, they’re lying, they’re lying.” – Alexis Rose

“Well, Johnny, how’s it going to look to have the mayor of the town changing sheets?” – Roland Schitt

“Oh, it was the footwork. It was the score. It was the book, it was all of that, David. But the most severely lacking … was me.” – Moira Rose

There’s an elephant in the room, David, and he’s whispering, “retire!”” – Moira Rose

“I’ll go plug in my hair straightener.” – David Rose

 

Episode 4

Moira: Alexis, I stumbled upon Ted in the café this morning, he sends his regards.

Alexis: That’s nice. Um, what did he say?

Moira: Nothing, we merely exchanged familial smiles. He seemed quite taken with an older woman, so I thought best not to intrude.

Alexis: Love that for him.

David: I mean, that could’ve been anyone though, right, like a mother, or a close friend?

Moira: They were canoodling in the banquette for all to see, so I’d be rather concerned if that were his mother, David.

David: Okay. Um, in other news, I recently discovered that I’m allergic to pitted fruits.

Alexis: Canoodling? Um, did she have like a braid in her hair?

Moira: No, no braid. Uh, looked more like thick, healthy hair woven together loosely.

Alexis: I can’t believe he’s still dating Heather.

David: I know, it’s crazy.

Moira: I believe that was her name, Heather.

David: Okay, do we have somewhere to be?

Moira: Alexis, he doesn’t still hold any interest for you? No, it’s not as if you’ve been spending all you time holed up in your room, alone.

Alexis: Yeah, no, I’m just like taking time for me.

Moira: Good! That’s the most important relationship of all. Don’t you give another thought to Ted and his striking older lover.

Alexis: Okay, I am going for a jog.

David: Okay, um, but you’re in like a day dress.

Alexis: Mmmm, I am. (Leaves the room)

David (to Moira): Okay, I have never heard someone say so many wrong things, one after the other, consecutively, in a row.

Moira: David! How was I to know that Ted would be such a trigger, all these years later?

David: A year later, and she is like right back in it. So you might wanna pay a little more attention to your daughter’s life, if only to alleviate the weight of me having to deal with it, every day.

Moira: Oh. I … I did call that other woman charming, didn’t I?

David: Striking, I believe that was the word you used to describe Ted’s new girlfriend, who isn’t Alexis.

Moira: Well to my credit, she was.

 

Patrick: David, you move things without consulting me all the time. Like the brooms!

David: Okay, well they were fugly brooms with big red handles. They didn’t match our sand and stone color palette.

Stevie: Well, this is clearly a high stakes situation, so maybe you wanna close the store down and figure it out.

 

“And I compromise all the time.” – David Rose

“Just so you know, making people choose between two things you like is not a compromise.” – Patrick Brewer

 

“I’m sure you’re not aware of this but, our Alexis is unfortunately suffering a bit of a dry spell. Exacerbated by this situation with the former lover, Ted, and his new girlfriend, Harriet?” – Moira Rose

 

Moira: Always the closed boo, our Alexis. Bless her soul.

Twyla: I’ve always found her to be pretty open about things.

Moira: A closed book that falls open the second you take it off the shelf.

 

“Gossip is the devil’s telephone. Best to just hang up.” – Moira Rose

“I see before me a beautiful young woman in her prime, who deserves every happiness.” – Moira Rose

“If, and when, you meet someone who catches your eye, hold his gaze. Then walk up behind him, trace a single finger down his back. And if he follows you into a dark corner of the bar, it’s meant to be.” – Moira Rose

“Sometimes in life and in love risks must be taken. One never knows what may happen.” – Moira Rose

“Alone time, Johnny. I just need some alone time.” – Jocelyn Schitt

“He plays soccer, and he works at the quarry, and we both have the same second favorite color.” – Twyla Sands (Sarah Levy)

“Okay, no, no, no, no, no. No! No! Fine, I’m terrible at compromise! There, I said it. Like Beyonce, I excel as a solo artist, and I was also dressed by my mother well into my teens, okay?” – David Rose

“I’m sorry that I just know what looks correct. And this situation is not correct. Toilet plungers on display at the front of a store, is incorrect! Breath mints where the lip balms should be. Not correct! These mountaineering shoes that my boyfriend is wearing, looking like Oprah on a Thanksgiving Day hike, incorrect.” – David Rose

“Your father had someone at that time. But I knew there was something between us. I just knew it. Whatever it was, it was worth waiting for.” – Moira Rose

“It took a year. But if it’s meant to be, they’ll come around!” – Moira Rose

Episode 5

“The internet says you’re dead!” – Alexis Rose

“Okay, I’m wearing sunglasses because I’m in mourning, David.” – Alexis Rose

 

Moira: What is the source of this falsehood? And what photo are they using?

David: Unclear and primarily a headshot from the 90’s, so fresh, and young, and permed.

Johnny: So, what are you saying? The entire internet thinks your mother is dead?

Alexis: Um, well not like the entire internet. It’s not even trending, which is actually kind of sad.

Johnny: That’s what you think is sad?

 

“All right, consider this camel’s back broken. Who sends pink carnations?” – Moira Rose

“The most projected nominee to have never actually been nominated.” – Moira Rose

“Shh. Fear not. She hath risen.” – Moira Rose

“Can you imagine an alternate universe in which I’ve actually died? Wow. I wonder what you’d be saying.” – Moira Rose

“We make a very good team, David. You do the talking, and I sample the merchandise.” – Alexis Rose

“Never say ‘nom nom’ again.” – David Rose

“Well, we’re about to sample some goat’s cheese, so I would imagine she has goats on her farm.” – David Rose

 

David: You know what? I can’t have your personal drama storming over my business dealings right now, so I think it’s best if you got out of the car and walked home.

Alexis: Walked home? That would take like 15 minutes, David, that’s absolutely not happening. Anyway, don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.

 

“No. No, Stevie, no. This is not, not how I imagined my resurrection news to break! Impeccably dressed woman wanders out of Podunk motel. No, that’s not the headline!” – Moira Rose

“The quiche is vivacious, and that is not a word I use to describe quiche often, but you know, when the time is right.” – David Rose

“I mean if I died, I’d be lucky if one person had something nice to say.” – Stevie Budd

“You have years ahead of you still to collect a cartage of adoring mourners. In the meantime, they will laugh in your face, and they’ll stab you in the back, but the moment you give up the ghost, oh they’ll al have nothing but nice things to say about you.” – Moira Rose

“Honestly, what kind of kitten befriends the giraffe?” – Moira Rose

 

Episode 6

“Your wife’s pregnant in her 40’s, how many surprises do you need?”- Ronnie Lee (Karen Robinson)

“Who put a picture of a ghost on my desk?” – Moira Rose

“Roland, why should I be the only one encumbered with this emotional cargo?” – Moira Rose

“Okay, are you saying that I don’t make people feel at home?” – David Rose

“No, worst case scenario, I watch you improv.” – David Rose

“Um, I actually prefer to be called a freelance brand invigorator.” – Alexis Rose

“I think it’s not scary or embarrassing for the person you’re dating to sing at you with an acoustic guitar in front of people.” – David Rose

 

David: I mean, if you are, confident to put yourself and our relationship at risk like that, then I am … 87% behind you.

Patrick: Good to know. So now the only question is, do I wear my fringed vest?

David: Okay.

Patrick: Or more importantly, do I wear anything under it?

David: Okay.

 

“So, Stevie, one other angle that I’m playing is focusing just on you. You’re the hook. Pretty country girl who doesn’t care about big city things like dressing well, or how she looks.” – Alexis Rose

“Stevie’s Place sounds like a shelter for battered men.” – Stevie Budd

“It’s your fault! You told me to keep it a secret, and that’s exactly what I did, even from myself.” – Moira Rose

“My boy right now is being serenaded by his butter-voiced beau.” – Moira Rose

“Why isn’t it just Rose Motel? The Rosebud makes it a sad stunted thing.” – Moira Rose