Zack Snyder’s Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice a rambling mockery of what was supposedly an epic tandem of Batman (Ben Affleck) and Superman (Henry Cavill). The first act is a smorgasbord of characters, places and unthinkable events that make the premise of the all-out war between The Caped Crusader and the Man of Steel implausible, even in the make-believe world of superheroes. At more than two hours of screen time, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice is an overly long advertisement for future movies of DC Comics-created metahumans rather than a focused story between the men whose names are written on my movie ticket. Having said these, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice is not wholly without any glimmer of brilliance.

Here are the good and the bad points of watching Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice:

The good points of watching Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice:

1. Watching Diana Prince or Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot) in the big screen.

Gal Gadot is very attractive. She is luminous as Diana Prince in her shiny and shimmering dress with straps strategically-placed in her upper body. She kicks ass as Wonder Woman. Batman and Superman would have a harder time controlling the monster that Luthor created if not for her and her Lasso of Truth.

2. It has the sexiest Alfred Pennyworth (Jeremy Irons) in all of Batman films.

Jeremy Irons as Bruce Wayne’s all-around gofer Alfred is undeniably dashing. His handful of scenes makes sitting through the film bearable. While inside the theater, I wished that Superman would die midway through the film so Alfred could wear his super tight costume and give Luthor the spanking that the overbearing man-child deserved.

3. It has a very brief Aquaman (Jason Momoa) sighting.

Jason Momoa in superhero attire, albeit the one considered by the Big Bang Theory guys as the loser among the Justice League members, is synonymous to a huge slice of fudgy chocolate cake with melted caramel center topped with thick and warm caramel sauce. The combination is sinfully good. I would like to have three orders of that for here, and two to go.

4. Ben Affleck as Batman is surprisingly good.

 

The bad points of watching Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice:

1. Superman uses guns to kill his enemies people. Really?

2. Superman senses that Lois Lane is in danger in Africa and in Gotham City even though he is either thousands of miles away or is busy saving the world but he cannot sense a bomb a few feet away from him when he is unoccupied. Really?

3. Lois Lane (Amy Adams) in sky-high shoes.

I know that Cavill’s Superman is probably 10 feet tall and that is mainly the reason why Adams’ Lane needs to wear those killer heels. But those shoes could have killed her if she trips over while doing actual journalism work and not just wait for Superman to rescue her.

4. Superman has one facial expression.

As the super-duper tight Superman costume suggests, Cavill has the right muscles in all the right places, with the exception of his chiseled-by-Greek-gods face. I could not tell whether Superman was mad, concerned, happy, sad or dead. The exposed lower half of Batman’s face conveys more emotion than Superman’s whole face. After giving it a two-second thought, the S on Superman’s chest evokes more emotion than him. I wished he remained “dead” in the outer space because his “dead” face has more expression than his normal face.

5. Lex Luthor (Jesse Eisenberg) is the worst main villain in a superhero movie I have seen in a long time.

Eisenberg’s Luthor looks undernourished, unkempt and highly unlikely as the person to orchestrate the manipulation of Batman and Superman. I can believe that Luthor can manipulate Superman into believing anything, Cavill looks clueless most of the time. But manipulating Wayne or Batman takes more than a sipunin (snotty) villain. Also, Luthor should fire his assistant for making him wear clothes that are two sizes too big and for not ironing his clothes.

6. Breaking into the Kryptonian ship is easier than Googling “how to break into the Kryptonian ship?”

It takes Luthor three seconds to enter and take control of the Kryptonian ship. What? No password? No fingerprint recognition? The bad guys in The Night Manager has iris recognition program to complete their transaction, maybe the US government needs to download one.