Stranger Things – Season 1 in Dustin Henderson’s Words (Mostly)

Stranger Things Season 1 has the most adorkable kids whose mental acuity is rivaled only by their loyalty to each other. They build sensory deprivation tank for fun. At 10 o’clock on a Saturday night. They battle monsters, real or imagined, with their wits, wrist rockets and Nilla wafers. In these battles, they risk life and limb for each other as a party, and no man gets left behind. Ever.

It is also a plus that the Stranger Things kids, Mike Wheeler (Finn Wolfhard), Dustin Henderson (Gaten Matarazzo), Lucas Sinclair (Caleb McLaughlin), and Eleven (Millie Bobby Brown) are very eloquent, with colorful vocabulary and swear words thrown in. Among the gang, my favorite is Dustin. He is just too smart and not afraid to show how smart he really is. He is loquacious, too, his cleidocranial dysplasia not withstanding. And that gift of gab makes him fun to watch because his words are like gems of wisdom.

Stranger Things kids: Lucas Sinclair (Caleb McLaughlin), Dustin Henderson (Gaten Matarazzo), Mike Wheeler (Finn Wolfhard), and Eleven (Millie Bobby Brown). Photo from theverge.com

Stranger Things kids: Lucas Sinclair (Caleb McLaughlin), Dustin Henderson (Gaten Matarazzo), Mike Wheeler (Finn Wolfhard), and Eleven (Millie Bobby Brown). Photo from theverge.com

Here are some of the memorable quotes from Stranger Things Season 1:

“I told you a million times, my teeth are coming in. It’s called cleidocranial dysplasia.” – Dustin Henderson explains his being toothless.

“Mornings are for coffee and contemplation.” – Chief Jim Hopper

“Where’s your hair? Do you have cancer?” – Dustin Henderson to Eleven, upon seeing her shaved head.

“Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.” – Dustin Henderson shouts when Eleven tries to change clothes in front of the boys.

“You shouldn’t like things because people tell you you’re supposed to.” – Jonathan Byers to younger brother Will.

“I need this phone and two weeks’ advance. And a pack of Camels.” – Joyce Byers

We never would’ve upset you if we knew you had superpowers.” – Dustin Henderson to Eleven

“That’s super important, because friends they tell each other things. Things that parents don’t know.” – Michael “Mike” Wheeler explains “spit swear” to Eleven

“You are a cliché, you do realize that?” – Nancy Wheeler to Steve Harrington

“You’re gonna take out the Demogorgon with a slingshot?” – Dustin Henderson

“So we’ve got Nutty Bars, Bazooka, Pez, Smarties, Pringles, Nilla Wafers, apple, banana, and trail mix.” – Dustin Henderson itemizes his battle supplies

“Friends tell the truth.” – Eleven

“Just wait till we tell Will that Jennifer Hayes was crying at his funeral.” – Dustin Henderson

Man, these aren’t real Nilla Wafers.” – Dustin Henderson complains about the food at Will’s funeral

“Science is neat. But I’m afraid it’s not very forgiving.” – Mr. Scott Clarke

“Are you both seriously this dense?” – Dustin Henderson exasperated with Mike Wheeler and Lucas Sinclair’s lack of knowledge about compasses.

“You’re asking if the weirdo is acting weird?” – Dustin Henderson

“I don’t like most people. He’s in the vast majority.” – Jonathan Byers

“She’s not just another suburban girl who thinks she’s rebelling by doing what every suburban girl does until that phase and they marry some boring one-time jock and now works sales and they live out a perfectly boring little life at the end of a cul-de-sac. Exactly like their parents, who they thought were so depressing, but now, hey, they get it.” – Jonathan Byers

“All three of you were being a bunch of little assholes! I was the only reasonable one.” – Dustin Henderson

“This isn’t a discussion. This is the rule of law. Obey or be banished from the party. Do you wanna be banished?” – Dustin Henderson to Mike Wheeler

“Do you seriously wanna fight the Demogorgon with your wrist rocket? That’s like R2-D2 going to fight Darth Vader.” – Michael “Mike” Wheeler to Lucas Sinclair

“Sometimes, your total obliviousness just blows my mind.” – Dustin Henderson explains to Mike Wheeler

“Can’t have more than one best friend. Says logic.” – Dustin Henderson

“Only love makes you that crazy, sweetheart. And that damn stupid.” – Lady at the police station to Nancy Wheeler

“Our friend has superpowers, and she squeezed your tiny bladder with her mind.” – Dustin Henderson to the school bully

“Mike, don’t do it. I don’t need my baby teeth, Mike!” – Dustin Henderson tells Mike not to jump off a cliff just to save Dustin’s baby teeth.

“She’s our friend and she’s crazy! You come back here and she’ll kill you! You hear me? She’ll kill you, you sons of bitches!” – Dustin Henderson referring to Eleven

“If anyone asks where I am, I’ve left the country.” – Michael “Mike” Wheeler to his mother

“Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!” – Dustin Henderson

Friends…friends don’t lie.” – Eleven

It’s like Lando Calrissian. Don’t answer.” – Dustin Henderson uses a Star Wars reference to say that maybe Nancy Wheeler is a traitor.

“You always say we should never stop being curious. To always open any curiosity door we find. Why are you keeping this curiosity door locked?” – Dustin Henderson to Mr. Scott Clarke

“Found it! I knew she was hoarding it. I knew it. Always lying, saying she’s out. Bald-faced liar. Mike, I found the chocolate pudding!” – Dustin Henderson

“Maybe we can go to the Snow Ball together. It’s this cheesy school dance, where you go in the gym and dance to music and stuff. I’ve never been, but I know you’re not supposed to go with your sister.” – Michael “Mike” Wheeler to Eleven

“Goodbye, Mike.” – Eleven

For more Stranger Things, please read 10 Things I Love About Stranger Things.

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